India to Replace Red Tapism with White Tapism

After months of brainstorming sessions and recommendations from about a hundred committees, more than half of them chaired by Pranab da, the government has come up with a fool proof solution which they believe will solve the issues that haunt India.
A visibly relieved Pranab Mukherjee was seen walking out of the Parliament Building with satisfaction written across his face. When approached by our reporter, Pranab da was all smiles and said that the solution is a closely guarded secret and people will have to “wait and watch” till it unfolds on the front page of the Economist magazine.
Investigative journalism being his life breath, our reporter contacted the Economist only to be rendered speechless by the flurry of abuses (some of which are yet to be defined by Urbandictionaryforhindi.com) hurled at the Government of India for trying to curb the freedom of the press. As he calmed down, the official from the Economist revealed that the government had decided to introduce the policy of sticking up a white paper over any documentation it considered unpleasant or malicious.
The first instance of this would have to be the front cover of the Economist which had a map of India but with the state of Kashmir divided into 3 parts, occupied one each by Pakistan, India and China. The government wants this division to be covered with a blank white sticker. “They are simply not seeing the reality man” argued the official from the Economist adding that the information had been authenticated by veritable sources from the Pakistani Taliban, LeT and JeM.


While active members of the civil society such as Baba Ramdev have offered to go on a fast unto death in a boathouse on the Dal Lake till Kashmir was unified and land granted for his Ashram, intellectuals like Arundhati Roy and Arindham Chaudhry have been equally critical of the move. While Arindham Chaudhry flashed his characteristic smile and challenged the government to think beyond white stickers, Arundhati Roy felt that the move would be equivalent to shutting up the oppressed Kashmiris with a white tape on their mouths.
But present and former bureaucrats have welcomed the move. Speaking to our reporter, Shri.Prashant Mishra, a retired IAS officer felt that this would help remove the stigma of “red tapism” in the bureaucracy by replacing it with “white tapism”. He added saying that this move would improve India’s moral standing in the world as white represented peace. “Soon we would have white stickers all over the country. Even the electronic voting machines will come with a white sticker if the people don’t want themselves to know who they have voted for”, Mr.Mishra added.
Our reporter had to duck and dodge a white sticker over his mouth when he enquired if the reports of the CAG will also have white stickers all over it. As a reward for his agility, he was told that it was all part of the government effort to publish “white paper” on every activity it performs, in this case the white paper being quite literal.