Senior Ministers Kiss and Make Up

The usually reticent Prime Minister of India, Manmohan Singh informed reporters today that the tiff between Home Minister P. Chidambaram and Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee, that touched new heights when a boxing match between the two was announced, was now officially over. “The chapter is closed”, Singh told reporters ending an interview considered too lengthy by his usual standards. Further probing by certain eminent journalists, including those that leaked letters and predicted coups, indicated that the truce was brought about by P.Chidambaram donating $10 billion of his personal income to help bridge the fiscal deficit. Before the uproar created on Twitter by this report could subside, several PILs were filed in the Supreme Court enquiring as to what Chidambaram’s source of that income was and if possible, would he be gracious enough to share a few tricks of his trade.
Chidambaram, as usual, has stated that the matter is sub-judice, but an anonymous, but verifiable source in the MHA has revealed that Chidambaram made a windfall out of the ransom offered by the US for providing information that would lead to the arrest and conviction of Hafiz Saeed, a terrorist suspected of masterminding the 26/11 Mumbai attacks, against whom India has already issued a Red Corner Notice. Our source also told us that the Home Minister, despite his busy schedule, had personally made a Xerox copy of all the dossiers he had sent Pakistan in the 3 years that followed 26/11 and sent them aboard the newly purchased C-130J Super Hercules Heavy Lift aircraft, which as its name suggests, was the only one fit to do the job.
Apparently, the US was happy with what it got and rewarded as promised. The Secretary of State was quoted saying, “Who do you go to when you need information that could be put to good use, but hasn’t been? The Government of India, of course”. But Chidambaram was in a fix, because there was very little left in the country that he wanted to invest in. It seems that this was when the idea of mending ties with his forlorn foe struck him. Chidambaram was aware(partly due to his nasty habit of tapping into other Ministry offices) that the Finance Minister has been losing sleep in the recent past due to the widening fiscal deficit. Confident that this was the best avenue he should invest in, Chidambaram sent a cheque to the Ministry of Finance. The $10 billion gift came as a godsend to Pranab Mukherjee, who thanked Chidambaram profusely for this gesture of goodwill and declared that bygones be bygones. This was followed by a remote control being operated and the Prime Minister declaring to the media that the announced, but long delayed boxing match between the two senior cabinet ministers was cancelled. The government passed a new order that any flyers announcing the event or any printed material referring to the event should be forwarded to Shri. Kapil Sibal.

India to tax transactions with retrospective effect. But going back by.....take a guess...!

The Finance Minister made a landmark announcement as part of his Budget speech, effectively amending India’s laws to tax transactions that derive their value in India, even if said transactions are made by companies not registered or incorporated in India. Before anyone could applaud him, however, the minister revealed his sleight of hand and added that the amendment would have retroactive effect.
The media went into a frenzy saying this was against the rule of law and that Pranab Mukherjee was being “penny wise, pound foolish”. Analysts and market observers were quick to point out that this was done to repeal the judgement of the Supreme Court absolving Vodafone of tax dues in the Vodafone-Essar case. While digital media initially reported that the amendment would have retroactive effect starting from 1962, i.e. 50 years from today, Pranabda, in his post-budget interview clarified that both the assessment and the report were wrong. “They think I’m trying to earn a quick billion here and one there to fix the gaping hole in my fabric, errr… fiscal deficit. They don’t understand the magnitude of what they are protesting against”, he told reporters here. He also mentioned that the amendment is to have retroactive effect, not from 1962, but much beyond, from 1662. He suggested that an overenthusiastic reporter probably zoomed in through the Lok Sabha CCTV cameras and got an inverted image (any resemblance to actual inverted images being coincidental) of the number 6 reflected through Pranabda’s rather thick glasses. “You see, those people condemning this move have no idea about the level of patriotism in it”, he said, making a snide jab at overzealous economist Subramaniam Swamy and his twitter army of patriotic tweeples. “If these people had read their history books properly, they’d know that the English East India Company, registered in London, derived most, if not all, of its gains on Indian soil. Their loot, exponentially much more than what we’ve managed to do, post-liberalisation and all, started sometime around 1662 when Bombay was given to Charles-II of England, as dowry by the Portuguese. Dadabhai Naoroji (a grand old man, if he were alive would go bonkers over the numbers quoted by the Comptroller and Auditor General, about the notional losses suffered in allocating scarce natural resources to corporate firms with connections), has given us his eminent estimate of the magnitude of the drain of wealth from India during the colonial rule of the British empire starting from 1662. So we thought we would fix that year as the date from which the amendment takes effect. As you jargon-hungry reporters would have realised, it makes aesthetic sense to have a number like 250 appear on headlines, so that is the number of years we are going back to collect what is due to us.”
The Prime Minister of (you thought India? That fellow rarely speaks for us to quote him!) UK, who had somehow managed to quell strong public outrage over annual aids of over $440bn to India, will find it very difficult to justify such a drastic move by India to bankrupt the country’s finances. “We are already paying back what we took. To the cooks and taxi drivers and of late, to steel tycoons” he said, a pointed remark at the changing demographic of Indian income earners in Britain.
When Pranabda was questioned about what the government would do with the windfall of money it plans to raise in this manner, he flashed a set of perfectly white teeth, thanks to Colgate and not the Coalgate that’s been on the news lately.” We will have more schemes”, he said, similar to the existing schemes that provide free sub-standard rice to the poor, who might reject the ration shops if the government invested the same money in getting them jobs and might no longer be inclined to vote for the party in power.

CHAPTER XIV. WINNING OVER FACTIONS FOR OR AGAINST AN ENEMY'S CAUSE IN AN ENEMY'S STATE.

This is my first post in a series based on the Arthasastra, an ancient Indian treatise on statecraft, economic policy and military strategy. Attributed to Chanakya (c. 350–283 BC), a scholar at the Takshashila University, the work is described thoroughly Machiavellian despite predating Machiavelli by over 1700 years. Chanakya, a thorough pragmatist, has the safety, security and expansion of the state as his primary and perhaps, only concern. He does not back away or balk at using any measures, moral or immoral, legal or illegal to achieve this end. “Is there not one question that Kautilya found immoral, too terrible to ask in a book? No, not one. And this is what brings a frightful chill. But this is also why Kautilya was the first great, unrelenting political realist.” – Boesche.

I decided to start this series inspired by Chapter XIV – “Winning Over Factions For Or Against An Enemy's Cause In An Enemy's State” of Book I – “Concerning Discipline of the Arthasastra”. Although writing sequentially might be the logical modus operandi, I’ve decided to start with this chapter and then move onto the first one.

The chapter, in a nutshell, deals with the means to protect or persecute parties that support one’s cause in a foreign/enemy state. Chanakya deems it mandatory to be in possession and control of a network of spies inside an enemy state to further one’s own cause.

It is not practically possible or viable to have one’s own spies infiltrating enemy ranks on a large scale as any modern day spook would tell you. No amount of naturalisation can make one sound or appear native to an enemy state. As an alternative, Chanakya advises having a network of spies, so covert that even those that are part of the circle do not know about it! He wants to fulfil the interests of the state through agents who fervently believe they are working to further their own interests.

Chanakya lists the category of people who could be turned into an agent by an enemy state. Those that are provoked by the host state or the state employees, through harassment, denial of reward for labour, shorn of ranks, suffered long periods of imprisonment, those whose women have been insulted or violently assaulted, denied inheritance or have had their property confiscated, can easily be turned against the state or their employers through timely manipulation in the hands of spies of an enemy state.

Loyal citizens who have suffered unjustly, a rebel, a government official who has amassed unnaturally large amounts of wealth and fears retribution, and he who has earned the king’s contempt are considered to be alarmed citizens. Chanakya recommends that their alarm be inflated to paranoia and then turning such paranoid citizens into enemies of the state.

Men that are impoverished, men that covet wealth and would exploit all means to attain it are termed ambitious and the spies should offer them appropriate rewards in terms of power and position to appease their ambitions and win them over to the cause. At the same time, haughty men who have had their material appetites whetted but crave to quench their inflated egos, should be won over by exalting the discriminatory qualities of the enemy king in recognising their virtues.

Throughout the work, Chanakya makes discrimination between the tasks that spies with shaved hair (men) and those with braided hair (women) can do. Chanakya probably presents the first documented use of the femme fatale as an instrument of spy craft. Chanakya’s acumen for statesmanship is scorchingly visible in his ability to not only identify disinterested parties, but also classify them into groups such as the provoked, the alarmed, the ambitious and the haughty. He advises group-specific measures to win them over to one’s cause. There is clear recognition that a one size fits all approach will not work in statecraft.

To the provoked, he portrays their king as a mad elephant that would trample them to death and the only means of protection from it would be to set another elephant (the rival king) upon it. The alarmed citizens can be made paranoid by projecting a vision of their king as a hidden and equally paranoid snake that would spit its venom upon anything it perceives as a threat. While pandering to the ambitious and the haughty, Chanakya plays the “caste card”, very much reminiscent of a modern day Indian politician facing elections. The ambitious are to be won over by comparing their king to a cow that is reared by dog-keepers and hence meeting only their needs and ignoring those of the Brahmanas. The haughty are to be told that their king is as lowly as a well of water that caters to the Chandalas. This is done with the intention of soothing their hurt egos and promising them a better alternative. Chanakya stresses on the need to supplement the derogation of the host king with heaping praises on the foreign king to win them over to the cause of the state. However, the best is yet to come.

While deluding the citizens of the enemy state with promises of rewards, titles and a better rule, Chanakya lands his masterstroke towards the end of the chapter. He advises the spies to make a solemn deal (panakarmana) with the disaffected reiterating there that it is being done to enable the spies help them achieve their ends. But we as ardent readers are fully aware of Chanakya’s knack of tongue in cheek expressions and know that the ultimate objective is to benefit the state and not the parties who are being deluded into agreement. The Panakarmana is a kind of insurance to use the jargon of a whistleblower, for it is clearly implied that if the disaffected were to shift allegiances back to their host, their infidelity, however temporary will be brought to public attention. Chanakya uses this to ensure the continued support of the disaffected irrespective of whether their expectations and desires are met or not. A Machiavellian through and through!

As I said earlier, this post is my first and is out of sequence. I will be starting with the first chapter of Book I – “The Life of a King and End of Sciences” in the next blogpost. Thanks for your support. Cheers.

Why India won’t hang Kasab?

For those of you living under a rock in Inner Mongolia or those living in an igloo built on a quickly melting iceberg, Ajmal Kasab is one of the terrorists (there were 9 others who cleared the Houri Test and were awarded the promised prize of 72 virgins)who attacked Mumbai 3 years ago and was apprehended.

Kasab has been imprisoned in India ever since. Being sentenced to death by a trial court, with the sentence upheld by Mumbai High Court does not seem to have affected Kasab’s appetite for glory and for err…tandoori chicken. If news reports from prison are to be believed, Kasab has been on the receiving end of glares and stares from fellow prisoners who have been served lauki (a vocal critic of this policy has been the Gandhi scion, of the lesser Gandhi family). This jealousy doesn’t seem to be dying anytime soon since err...Kasab himself is not going to die anytime soon.

In a rare press interview, India’s reticent, rarely talkative Prime Minister Manmohan Singh addressed questions, which he considered rather clichéd, on why the government has not executed Kasab despite a death penalty being served upon him. The highly educated man that he was, Singh presented the members of press with, not one, but several “reasonable” reasons to justify the government’s stance.

Who to hang?

India’s esteemed intelligence agencies and an extremely vibrant press seemed to have done their homework pretty well, in fact too well, in finding out Kasab’s identity. With some in the Indian establishment claiming credit for proving Kasab’s nationality, the ones that actually did the sleuthing, the Dawn newspaper, moved on to other mundane jobs, leaving the credit-claiming part to professionals with years of training and practice in the task. To compensate for this loss of work, the Indian media provided the public with half a dozen names, it had discovered, ranging from Azam Amir Kasav to Amjad Amir Kamaal, for the same person. Extremely persistent readers can view the complete list here. So the government faces the pertinent problem of deciding on who they are hanging although practically it would be the same person that was caught on camera. PM Singh emphatically stated that there was no point in arranging for an execution with the taxpayer’s money when you don’t know who you would be executing.

How to hang?
The PM also stunned members of the Press with his question on how to hang Kasab. He stated that there was progress in Indo-Pak relationship, (despite the lack of it in the Krishna-Hina relationship) and the dossier diplomacy was as irrelevant as a dosa in a Punjabi Dhaba. Singh expressed his concern that hanging Kasab might ring discord in the present positive state of affairs. Singh also stated that India’s Human Rights record might be tarnished if the country were to execute a death penalty. An angry reporter’s shoe thrown as a response to Singh’s statement failed to make a dent in his impeccably blue turban. The reporter was promptly removed before he could pose a threat to Singh’s human rights. Despite this, Singh could not answer conclusively, questions regarding the human rights of the Indian citizens killed and injured in the carnage.

Why to hang?
The eminent strategist that he was, Singh felt that it made better sense to let Kasab live as his present diet would anyway kill him from all the cholesterol he has gained. Singh also felt this would be a deterrent to prospective health-conscious Jihadists, who would like to maintain their fitness levels while they go meet their 72 virgins. Speaking of which Singh continued, preventing Kasab from dying on the noose would deny him the right over his 72 virgins if he died of natural causes. So letting him die of his own accord was actually a long term strategy to prevent the Mullahs from brainwashing their cadre with the promise of Paradise.

Singh left members of the Press spell bound and seemingly convinced with his list of “Reasonable” reasons on why Kasab could not and should not be hanged. Singh received rich accolades in the headlines of all major newspapers the next day that praised him as “an underrated politician”. The editorial pages however, used the same headline to criticise Singh’s explanation and demanded Kasab’s head on the noose at the same time emphasising that Afzal Guru and several others on the death row be brought to the book as well. Suggestions also include a proposal to modify existing space in the Parliament, which stays unused very often due to adjournments, as the new death row and unemployed MPs as hangmen.

At the Cobbler's

Here I was, back to the old cobbler. We have been meeting on a regular basis over the last year. In fact, if we had met any more frequently, the folks would’ve thought that we were about to announce our engagement or something, well, you know the funny ways of the world.
The reason I’ve been meeting this old man over the months was a new shoe I seemed to have acquired. We’ll get to the part about how I got that shoe in a bit. But for now, I just gotta tell you that this shoe was just like one of those old patients you see at the Doctor’s. You know the type, those that get their medicines prescribed on a Monday, buy them on Tuesday, only to be back on Thursday to the Doctor’s, on account of having developed “serious side effects”. That was the case with my shoe too.
The present problem showed up yesterday, while I was trying to desperately complete the 400m full circle run. A tight stitch on the inner part of the left shoe had probably been bothering the shoe’s tender heart for so long that it simply wasn’t up for the cardio challenge. It opened its mouth in one prolonged sigh, sucked in all the air it could and…unpredictably stayed open. My shoe, after this mishap, resembled a fish that just got out of water to dry itself, but forgot to bring its life equipment along.
So what do you know? I was back at the cobbler’s. As usual, this guy was pretty busy. What is it that makes cobblers busier than people from ostensibly busier professions, like barbers, for instance? Is it because that while bald men don’t visit barbers, most people wear some kind of footwear which needs fixing? He had this long queue waiting and I joined the tail lengthening it a bit further.
He sat there, like a king waiting to redress the grievances of his subjects. And one by one we went to him, taking our concerns with us. As I waited at the end of the line, there was a rumble and before I knew it, a huge motorbike with a huger guy driving it appeared on the scene. The cobbler seemed to know this guy; there was a hint of recognition in his eyes. The fellow probably had a shoe as problematic as mine. Despite this, the man did not stop his work. He went on mending the shoe in his hands as though he were an angel of Zeus who was sewing the sky up after the latest lightning bolt attack. Our biker was perturbed by his indifference. He was probably a descendant of a local prince and was carrying on the tradition of going on patrols around the city.
The cobbler’s persistent indifference troubled the guy and his anger seemed to radiate from his bike’s engine, which spewed gallons of smoke, reminding me of those angry smileys you get on a chat messenger. He removed his shoes, called the cobbler, and flung the shoes at his face along with a green slip of paper with Gandhi smiling out of it. I think it was the Gandhi that did the job. The cobbler, with his strong arms and even sharper eyes could’ve melted the guy down to jelly on the roadside and his folks would’ve most probably brought a teacup instead of a hearse to take him home. But that was not what happened. The man patiently took the shoes and added them to the pile of shoes waiting for his expert attention already. But the show wasn’t over yet. This bearish looking biker wanted an assurance that his job would be the first one to be done, royal privilege I presume. Facing grunts and animosity to his queued customers, the cobbler could do nothing but accept the order. Nobody seemed to complain overtly though some of them wanted to dismount the biker and shoot his shoes up his rear. The poor cobbler looked at us in a pitiful manner that reminded me of the moose trophy begging for the last ounce of mercy in its last possible opportunity. It turned about to be the last opportunity, not for the cobbler to beg for mercy, but for the big bully to use his “authority” over others. The moment he left the cobbler with his shoe and drove shoeless on the road, a tractor trailer, with the cobbler’s anguish and anger and desperation sitting at the wheel, ran all over him.
The part of the road had turned into a venue for Armageddon. Though I can’t say which was the victor, just right then, I knew that one of the forces were down, on the road. The cobbler had looked up momentarily from his profession-cum- ritual, to see what the source of the commotion was. He realised what had happened and came to the conclusion that the shoe he was holding was of no use to him anymore than it was to the dead man. I watched keenly as he got up from his seat of stone, moved over to the spot where the man lay on one side and his bike turned to aluminium scrap on the other. The cobbler threw the shoes on the dead man’s face and the green slip as well and walked quickly back to his altar to attend to the next subject.

India to Replace Red Tapism with White Tapism

After months of brainstorming sessions and recommendations from about a hundred committees, more than half of them chaired by Pranab da, the government has come up with a fool proof solution which they believe will solve the issues that haunt India.
A visibly relieved Pranab Mukherjee was seen walking out of the Parliament Building with satisfaction written across his face. When approached by our reporter, Pranab da was all smiles and said that the solution is a closely guarded secret and people will have to “wait and watch” till it unfolds on the front page of the Economist magazine.
Investigative journalism being his life breath, our reporter contacted the Economist only to be rendered speechless by the flurry of abuses (some of which are yet to be defined by Urbandictionaryforhindi.com) hurled at the Government of India for trying to curb the freedom of the press. As he calmed down, the official from the Economist revealed that the government had decided to introduce the policy of sticking up a white paper over any documentation it considered unpleasant or malicious.
The first instance of this would have to be the front cover of the Economist which had a map of India but with the state of Kashmir divided into 3 parts, occupied one each by Pakistan, India and China. The government wants this division to be covered with a blank white sticker. “They are simply not seeing the reality man” argued the official from the Economist adding that the information had been authenticated by veritable sources from the Pakistani Taliban, LeT and JeM.


While active members of the civil society such as Baba Ramdev have offered to go on a fast unto death in a boathouse on the Dal Lake till Kashmir was unified and land granted for his Ashram, intellectuals like Arundhati Roy and Arindham Chaudhry have been equally critical of the move. While Arindham Chaudhry flashed his characteristic smile and challenged the government to think beyond white stickers, Arundhati Roy felt that the move would be equivalent to shutting up the oppressed Kashmiris with a white tape on their mouths.
But present and former bureaucrats have welcomed the move. Speaking to our reporter, Shri.Prashant Mishra, a retired IAS officer felt that this would help remove the stigma of “red tapism” in the bureaucracy by replacing it with “white tapism”. He added saying that this move would improve India’s moral standing in the world as white represented peace. “Soon we would have white stickers all over the country. Even the electronic voting machines will come with a white sticker if the people don’t want themselves to know who they have voted for”, Mr.Mishra added.
Our reporter had to duck and dodge a white sticker over his mouth when he enquired if the reports of the CAG will also have white stickers all over it. As a reward for his agility, he was told that it was all part of the government effort to publish “white paper” on every activity it performs, in this case the white paper being quite literal.

Obama's Middle East Address- Challenges and Opportunities

Obama’s much awaited “Arab Spring” address has met with both criticism and appreciation from all quarters concerned. It has simultaneously been hailed as having got a touch of reality and criticized as having no understanding of reality. Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu who coincidentally is visiting the United States has reacted by saying that Obama’s proposal of an Israeli retreat to pre-1967 lines would leave Israel with “indefensible” borders. He has gone a step ahead and approved construction of 1,550 housing units in two Jerusalem settlements as a direct affront to Obama’s statement that "The dream of a Jewish and democratic state cannot be fulfilled with permanent occupation". The GOP has also criticized that Obama “threw Israel under the bus” and has handed Palestinians a victory even before negotiations have begun. But international observers have termed Obama’s speech as “the most detailed peace vision” but falling short of a formal peace plan, something that could disappoint many in the Arab world who had expected Obama to deliver concrete results after taking office in 2009. Netanyahu has said in a statement that "the viability of a Palestinian state cannot come at the expense of Israel's existence."

Obama’s persistent pointer to the settlement issue coupled with his vision of an Israeli retreat to pre-1967 lines with “mutually agreed swaps of land” would mean that most Israeli settlements in East Jerusalem would come under the Palestinian state. At the same time, the new “reconciliation agreement” between Hamas and Fatah has sent mixed messages across the Arab world. While many, if not most, view it as a first step towards gaining legitimacy in the UN General Assembly and forming a “unity government” Israel views it with suspicion and apprehension. Despite the agreement, Hamas has not indicated towards a change in its professed goal of obliterating Israel which might be a roadblock during the proposed September voting in the UNGA. None of the warring parties have promised an unconditional return to the negotiating table citing unresolved concerns.

The impact of the address would decide the future of not just Israel and Palestine but the whole of Middle East, a turbulent and mercurial region, owing to an Arab majority in terms of population but with Jewish military superiority. It presents both opportunities and challenges for the concerned parties.
The run up to the UNGA vote in September will determine if the union between Hamas and Fatah will lead to a unity government or end in divorce due to disagreements. In fact, the address itself may lead to disputes in the Palestinian camp about proceeding with the UNGA vote. Some might even want to cancel the vote and get back to negotiations, something that Israel might be depending on to prolong the dispute. Hamas might also have to amend its charter, as the dream of a Palestine replacing Israel will remain just that, a dream.

At the same time, the Israeli camp needs to introspect and decide on the future of the illegal settlements. The recent democratic movements in the Middle East are a harbinger of changes to come. Israel’s success so far, in steamrolling Palestinian interests in East Jerusalem and carrying on with the construction cannot be expected to continue under the present circumstances. Israel will also have to recognize the reconciliation deal between Hamas and Fatah, stop calling it as an impediment to peace talks and seize the opportunity to effectively end the death and destruction caused by rocket attacks.

The looming 2012 elections and opposition from the GOP for his speech should not pressurize President Obama into changing his stand on the issue. The negotiations, if and when they start, should not be an attempt to dissuade Palestine from seeking a vote for its legitimacy in the UNGA. They should rather determine the course Palestine should take after the vote and not the course of the vote itself. The US should also wake up to the reality of people’s movements toppling the very same dictators it had installed or befriended or both for its own strategic interests and should respect the will of the people. If Palestine manages to get around 170 or 180 votes in its favor (which it seems poised to get), the US would be expected to support the proposal in the UNSC and not veto it as doing so would merely inflame the anti-American sentiment the region has become notorious for.
Having shown incredible boldness and political will in changing the traditional and conventional American stance on Israel, President Obama will do well to make full use of the opportunity he himself has created, to change the perception among the Arab population about America. His Middle East speech, announcing billions of dollars in aid to the fledgling people’s governments in Egypt and Tunisia, increasing pressure on allies like Syria, Yemen and Bahrain to move towards democratic transformation and making a clear stand on the Israel-Palestine issue, can be seen as a timely attempt to reach out to the Arab populace after struggling to keep pace with the people’s movements in the region.

http://www.worldpress.org/Mideast/3745.cfm
http://www.eurasiareview.com/obamas-middle-east-address-challenges-and-opportunities-oped-21052011/
http://moderntokyotimes.com/2011/05/23/obamas-middle-east-address-challenges-and-opportunities/
http://www.silobreaker.com/obamas-middle-east-address-challenges-and-opportunities--jeysundhar-d-5_2264585332177502245
http://www.modernghana.com/news/329993/1/obamas-middle-east-address-challenges-and-opportun.html